I have found that escaping ones past is totally and completely impossible. Situations, crushes, friends, everything comes back around, no matter how far you try to run from it. I've constantly been told to let go of past and look to the future, to better and brighter days. So I do let go, but I guess not fully because you are one person that always comes back to me.
There have been countless replacements but you always blow them right out of the water. Somewhere in my mind, there is pedestal and I seem to have placed you upon for all eternity. I have taken you down from it numerous times, but some how when I am not paying attention you seem to crawl back up on to it. You're the person I always seem to compare others to, but no one seems to be quite is good as you. You are the highest standard I have.
I can't take having you on this imaginary pedestal, so I have decided I am going to stop talking to you for while. I know this plan is never going to work because I have tried it too many times. Either I'll cave in minutes into deciding that I won't talk to you or I'll be going strong and not thinking about you. But you will begin to wonder why I haven't spoken to you in a week, you don't know it is because I deleted from my buddy list and cell phone and vowed I wouldn't contact you. Since you don't know this you IM me one night saying that you miss me or asking me if I'm upset with you.
I am upset with you, but for no legitimate reason, so I tell you I am not. And I miss you do, but I have recently trained myself never to let you know that. You make it impossible for me to let go and move on like everyone including you tells me to. You on the other hand have no problem replacing me and you do on a monthly basis.
I'm starting to get used to you having someone else in your life and that person not being me. Mainly because I know you will replace that person soon enough despite how serious you make the relationship sound. It is always the same thing, and it is becoming a routine for me and I like routine.
I guess that is exactly what our relationship is, a routine. You always come back around. It is impossible to escape you.
About Me
- alexisexposure
- That is the hard part about life, it is so easy to say how you want to live your life. You can have it all planed out, just like I do. You tell yourself that you are going to stop complaining cause you don't have it half as bad other people do. That you are going to stop worrying about what other people think of you. You decided that you're going to place all your fears in your dresser draw at night, and live your life without them. Then somehow when you fall asleep your fears escape from the draw and manage to find their way back into your heart and then you are right where you started, with this plan in your mind but with a heart not strong enough because it is controlled by your fears.
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