Coming to a Close

As this year comes to a close, I am not sure exactly what to make of it.


So much has happened and even more has changed.

2007 didn't start off amazingly well. I mean my grandmother died that isn't really the best thing to start a new year with. It was tough for my family, but I guess we pulled through all right. After something like that I guess the year could only get better. I think that it made me want to take advantage of the things I had at my disposal and make more of life. Maybe not spend every night at home on the computer in my room.

I met incredible people this year in the most random of ways, I became closer with people I never thought I would. I am glad to say that I am very content with the people I have chosen to let into my life and those who I have let leave. Those who have left my life must not have belonged, I guess. I've had some fights with those who mean the most to me but these disagreements have merely made us stronger. My heart was broken once or twice, but I taped it up and glued it back together. It has a few dents now, but I'm okay with it.

I was lucky enough to experience amazing things with my bests. I spent a month in Boston working with incredible people from across the country. I went to insane shows and got to know some of my heros. I started my senior year of high school, planned a show at my school, and got into college.

I've learned great amounts about myself and what I am capable of, that was the greatest thing that happened this year.


As for 2008:
1. Stop being a nervous wreck.
2. Don't rely on others for everything.
3. Convince my parents to let me drive (without them in the car)
4. Find myself a prom date.
5. Possibly find a boyfriend as well.
6. Just be happy.



Oh & the best way to kick off the new year will be listening to Honesty Eyes' NEW SONG.
So different, but it is incredible.


myspace.com/honestyeyes

Check it out, they deserve so much.

I just hope you

don't turn out like everyone else.


I don't need some to let me down again. I hope you're not going to end up a waste of time because it will just hurt me too much. That is really all that I expect this time, and not much else. I don't know maybe that is to much to ask of you. I don't want to feel like this only to find out you don't feel the same. I should probably just assume that you will be like every other one that way you can either meet or exceed my expectations.

I don't know, it is just because I like you.

Please don't turn out the same as everyone else I've liked.

I lost my Christmas cheer

but that's okay we still have new years.




I am unfortunately not looking forward to this Christmas. I think I am just stressing out way to much, and being sick is really not helping. This time last week I was incredibly happy, I was moving on with my life. Somehow I ended up right where I started perviously, just with a different person this time. I don't really I know if I expected liking someone else to be any different. I think that I wanted it to be different this time, but I knew that I wouldn't be. I guess I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

It is the exact same thing.

Keeping real feelings to myself, butterflies in my stomach, always having them on my mind, constantly wondering if the feelings are mutual, or if it is a one way thing, worrying I am going to say the wrong thing and spill my heart.

I'd love to place the blame for these feelings on someone else but I just can't. It is my own fault, I make myself feel like this.I guess there is still a chance for things to change this time. I just need to find the courage within me, but who knows where that is anyway.



I fall in love far to quickly.

I planned out exactly

what I was going to say when I came home from the show last night.

How it was like one of those scenes in a movie when someone goes to a show and stands in the crowd completely unaware of what is happening around them. Because, well, that was me at the beginning of last night. Luckily all of my expectations were surpassed. I think it is so funny how there are just certain people who can keep you smiling, especially when those people are complete strangers.


So I guess you can compare it to a scene in a movie, just not the same one I mentioned before.
The scene where everything become clear, and it all just falls into place.

I just read these

seven paragraphs written by a 21 year old who had never been kissed.

It got me thinking that is is quite possible that I could be like that too, and that scares me terribly. Maybe there is something wrong with me or maybe its not the right time. All I know is that I don't want to end up alone for the rest of my life. Then again I am probably just being paranoid, I'm only 17 I have a while to grow up and experience the world I guess.


I'm just stressing myself out,
At least I am happy

I have to decide

if I want to go to prom today.

I have no idea what to do, I wish someone could just make the choice for me and find me a date. This really shouldn't be such a hard decision for me to make but none of my friends are going.






Just pick for me please.

If only there was a way

to put how happy I am into words.




Last night was incredible, all of my fears were proven wrong and it all worked out. There really isn't much more to say everyone was incredible, EVERYONE! And next time it is going to be even better, there is definitely going to be a next time.

All I really want to see

right now is everyone happy, including myself.



Obviously you shouldn't be happy all the time but lately it seems like everyone is upset. I mean I am too, but I don't enjoy it at all. It be so much easier to go one day without seeing a bulletin on myspace saying how tough life is, or reading a about me that says how hard life is and that you can't make it through the day without being medicated. It'd be nice to see someone with an ounce of hope. I know that if I knew one person who changed and decided to have even the smallest bit of hope rather then looking for the bad in everything, I might find a reason to stop doing the same. I am trying my hardest to have faith there someone like that will enter my life. I won't go looking for them though.


Plan for the worst and hope for the best.

Okay, it is a pretty amazing

feeling to see something you only thought would happen in you dreams finally happen.


Putting so much hard work into this, taking so many risks and being rejected by my peers, it was all worth it to see this finally happen. Sure we have run into some major issues but we worked it all out. I am really content with the people who will be there minus a select few.

I just really wish some genuine people could be there to share in this event. That is what sucks about this there is one person who should be there but who isn't going to be there, and it really bothers me. I am still determined to make the best out of thes night even though not everything worked out as we originally planned.




Friday, December 7, 2007
6:00pm.

I honestly wonder how

people can be so terrible.


After being such good friends with someone I just don't understand how you can be so mean and hostile to someone. You go through so much with people and then they just give up on you. How can you consider people like that friends. It is quite is a disappointment to see people I know act like that toward such good people. And it becomes even worse when you realize there isn't much you can do about it, you just have to sit back and let it happen.

I am happy to say I don't consider those people my friends.