It's been a

week, but I can't recall what happened this past week.





I know that it was full of unimportant and wasted days.

But right now, I am trying to figure out how it is that people can't take hints. I really don't like being mean but you would think that if someone doesn't answer your messages or texts that you would get that they don't want to talk to you. I was obviously wrong in thinking this. I don't know what else to do about it, considering that I am not a big fan of confrontation. I don't do well with it.


I also can't stop thinking about how badly I wish I didn't like him, because well frankly I know nothing will ever happen so I might as well just move on. Right?




I keep listening to the new Valencia song which is amazing, and I am starting to feel okay with all the fame they are going to get from Tourzilla. They deserve it.

"Take our time maybe we'll grow up but you'll learn from what you've done.
You might believe in what you see but no, it never made sense to me."

Today has been too

long of a day and it isn't even over.



Today I came to a few conclusions.

1. I am never ever going to have a boyfriend, ever. At least not one that I genuinely like because the people I fall for never like me back. It is possible that I am deformed in some way and that is what is stopping anything from ever happening. Maybe it is because my parents keep me so sheltered, I am pretty much home everyday of my life.

2. I cannot stand the people in my school, they really don't understand some things.



Okay I'm done.
& I'm in a bad mood.

I'm kinda confused

by people right now.




I don't understand why people complain about things that they can change. It is one thing to complain about something that is out of your control but I don't think you should really complain about stuff that you have the ablility to change. It just seems so odd to me to spend your time talking about how miserable you are, or how much you hate something when you can go and change it.


I don't know if I have the right to say this because I do it all the time.
But I honestly am trying to change, but it is kind of hard.




But anyway, I think that everyone should go listen to this band The Riverwinds.
I saw them on Friday in Red Bank and they were really awesome.

www.myspace.com/theriverwinds.

There is a small

chance that I might like him again.



Liking him wasn't really a big, it was a silly little crush I got over in like a month. Maybe even less then a month. But we've been talking lately and I think I might have fallen again. I don't know how to feel about it. I don't know if it is good or bad or anything. It is just really confusing to like him.

I know I swore I wasn't gonna like people anymore but I guess it is something you can't control. It just kinda happens and you never know when it is gonna happen which to be honest sucks.


For now I am just gonna be happy about.
I'll save the tears for later.

Last night was

a real disappointment.




I went to Red Bank to see Honesty Eyes at some internet cafe but not all went as planned. We got stuck in traffic for over two hours and got to the show late. Then Honesty Eyes didn't cme because their van broke down. The show was kinda of boring and it almost got shut down because some idiots decided to start a mosh pit. The only decent part was Lady Radiators set and the half a pizza and cinnamon sticks from dominos on the way home.


Seriously the best laid plans always go off track.

I'm done

with liking guys.



I am 100% over it. Nothing good has ever come out of me liking a guy. I spend days and nights obsessing over him & I overanalyze everything. I stress myself and drive myself to a breaking point, it really cant be good. I wish it just didn't take someone making me feel terrible to make me realize this all. I really wish I didn't want to breakdown & cry right now. I am trying to keep myself composed and I am finding it terribly hard.

I want a guy that is good for me and keeps me happy, but I am not going to look for this boy.


He can come find me whenever he is ready.
I'll be waiting.

I have a new view

on life.




I am starting to think that life is only as good as you make it. That people control their lifes 100%. If you don't like something in your life you can change it. I no longer feel sympathy for those who complain about how much their life sucks because they could be doing something about it. Instead they sit around in their houses and post bulletins about how crappy thier friends are or about how they hate everything. If you hate it that much than do something to change it don't sit around and complain. I know I used to be like that but I realize now that is does absolutely no good, you can actually make a difference if you do something.


So I intend on making life as good as I possibly can & I think you should do the same.


On a sadder note, I really wish I had a boy in my life.
=/

Everything is

falling into place.

Friendships are mended and ideas have been confrimed, and let me tell you it feels amazing. Incase you haven't heard Nastassia and I are planning a concert at our school, and to my surprise alot of people are behind. I mean my school is really conservative so I am shocked that they are allowing this.

This really changes my mind about life. Things you only thought would come true in your dreams can be made into reality. You really do control your own life. But anyway this concert is going to be awesome once everything gets worked out!

Off Broadway
Honesty Eyes
Set In Silence
& Van Atta High.



"Be that change you want to see in the world"

Everytime I start

one of these blogs I give up in about two days, but I really want to try this again

I don't keep a journal but I need somewhere to say what I feel.



This past week everything seems to have been going downhill & I honestly can't handle it. Friendships and everything I thought was true is being called into question. Never in my life have I had to deal with something quite like this. It is taking quite a toll on me. My emotions are out of control. I'm getting really touchy about things that never really bothered me before. I don't like this at all, maybe I need a break. Maybe I just need to get away from the familiar. But, I don't wanna do that because I fear what I will miss while I am gone.




I hate times like these.
I wish I had someone to help me through these things.